that my new job is everything that I'd hoped and prayed for (and more)? Yes,
of course you would because you already knew that this job was a
miracle and why wouldn't a miracle be totally wonderful,right?
I have autonomy, responsibility, interesting work, growth potential, opportunity to make a difference in my community and make contacts and work with really nice people.
But while I'm making sure to focus on how good it feels to finally have a job there is this really weird thing going on in my head. It's almost as if I'm afraid about something going right in my life (I
imagine I'll have a similar feeling when I eventually get back into a
healthy relationship). You know I've been pushing and pushing for
so long with no results that this feels weird. It's
not a bad thing, just a matter of finding my way back in the world. At the very least I know that I'll never take a job for granted; that is everyday I'll go in with an "attitude of gratitude" holding close in my mind just how bad it felt to be unemployed.
What's the purpose of this? Well I think that it will ensure that I stay on my toes and continue to reach and strive for my "personal best."
Strangely enough, not having a job or home for so long has left me with a feeling of, hmmm lets just say "being out there and not belonging."
So I'm doing what I've found is the best thing to do during these
time. That is to stay in prayer and turn inward to figure it all
out.
But I've also noticed that some other things are coming into focus.
Before this week I kinda floated around establishing a behavior code
with the cubs. If they did something offensive I'd
half-heartily say no and not follow up. However, as I begin to
feel more validated I find that I'm getting better at enforcing
rules. I know that my parenting skills shouldn't have suffered
but one of the things that I struggled with during my unemployment was
not being fully there as a parent to the cubs. I feel as if I
have so much to make up to them but while I'm doing that I know that I
need to be careful to not hate myself for doing what I did that landed us in this spot.
Just thoughts going on in this crazy head on mind.
Love to you all, ME 
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You have Ethics, Morals and Love - don't second guess yourself. There is no need to doubt that you are on the right track because you know that you are. Stand up tall and tell the cubs that you are taking them with you and your all climbing the ladder of success TOGETHER. - Now that is an awesome thing - ONE FOR ALL AND ALL FOR ONE - Yahoo!
We pray and pray and pray for some good stuff to happen and when it does most of us forget to say thank you to God! I know I'm guilty of this! When things are going good...when the war and warring are over and I'm out of the trench, I'm like,...GOD WHO!?
I think a lot of us do something else...
We say to God,..."Yeh, you gave me a job,...thanks....so when's the other shoe gonna' drop?" We instantly start worrying.
I think what if my oldest daughter complains that she has lost her job and suddenly has no money and she is wringing her hands and moping and kvetching that her credit card bill is due and so I give her $500 to tied her over and she looks at it and says "THANKS MOM!" And then turning around and saying,.."This is great, but I bet the bike I ride to work is going to get a flat tire when I'm already late for work...I just know it."
Where's the trust that mom might be able to drive her to work in that event.
I think sometimes God is looking at us and saying...
Where's the trust? Do you trust that I'll deliver all that I've promised???
Just some thoughts in MY head.
It's alright to have questions but along with the questions I think I need to pray that I am being looked after and ask for more faith so that the questions become fewer and farther between?....
I don't know...still working all of this out myself!
-pr-
Every time life is really good and I'm having a blast, I will feel a tiny little twinge of, "Uh-oh, what if ...?"
Those twinges used to really bugger me up ... but we're getting stronger and we see them for what they are ... just a passing doubt ... definitely NOT IMPORTANT in the big scheme of things, except to add to our "attitude of gratitude", as you put it!
Good post!
Hugggggggggggggggggggggz,
Taylor
Just came by to say hello and glad to hear your job is going well!
Wow. (i got dizzy)
And you my friend, how are you? I hope that you've recovered from the flu and are doing well. Love you and I'll catch up with you soon.
Ain't it cool how faith works, that is how it builds itself upon itself.