I was watching Spiderman last night (what else would I be watching, I have 3 kids) and it seems that the latest story line is that Spidy's DNA is mutating. Into what, no one knows. Of course, all of his friends and enemies are eager to "help" him out of his prediciment. Spiderman's take on all of this is shock, disillusionment, and anger.

You know, all the things that you would feel if YOUR super powers were waning and the future, as you knew it, looked bleak.

So, Spidy is sitting around thinking all of these things when his Uncle Ben's image comes up and tells him that he can achieve anything - it's a matter of luck/opportunity, preparation, and believing in himself. Spidy then deduces that his problem is not believing in himself, that he has GIVEN UP ON HIMSELF.

So what does that mean? Of course, in Spiderman's case he is thinking about hanging up the suit and even saying good bye to his life as Peter Parker!

For me, giving up would mean not being there for my kids and not working towards my dreams? My kids would end up with no hope for the future and I would end up a bag lady (and you all know how much I love my upper middle class lifestyle). So when I think about what giving up actually means I DON'T because I know, without a doubt, what the consequences would be. Actual lives are depending on me, enough said!

So what does giving up mean to you? What would be the actual onsequences? And then, knowing that ask if you can you really afford the luxury of giving up? I know I can't and that's what keeps me going on those days even when I want to walk in front of a speeding bus.

For Spiderman, I guess it will be all of those dead and injured people that just wouldn't make it. WOW, isn't it amazing when you think about it just how important we all really are?

Rock on Baby, one day at a time. I know you can do it!!!

Extending my prayers out to the survivor as well as the family members of the fallen miners in the W.VA tragedy. May God comfort you all during this time.

Sorry for no message yesterday. I was too depressed to write anything. As a matter of fact, I've been feeling pretty bad all week. Just wanting to call it quits. To top it off it seems that the state that I'm in must be second to Seattle in the fact that the sun NEVER shines! I did, however, take care of business (did job search stuff like reviewing postings and talking to recruiters) but I did it with a heavy heart.

The funny thing is that one of the resumes that I sent out on a lark resulted in a phone call from the recruiter the next day. We'll see what happens, keep your fingers crossed for me, would you?

MESSAGE: Even if you don't feel like "taking care of business" DO IT ANYWAY! Don't let a day pass when you aren't, in one way or the other advancing the ball towards the goal. You never know what tomorrow will bring. The sun even decided to shine today to put the message "in my face" as they say.

As for my fun yesterday, I had to borrow it from my children. What I mean is that when we went out and they got happy I would look into their laughing, smiling faces and it would make me laugh and smile.

MESSAGE: Sometimes, it's OK to cheat to get through the rough spots.

I had a thought about all of the bad stuff that is happening to me, all of the consequences that I'm facing as a result of my BAD DECISIONS and that is --

THIS JUST DOES NOT FEEL LIKE MY LIFE!

Does that make any sense?

And if it does, what should I do? Should I seek a way to reconcile all of this as my life or just think of it as a phase? I'm afraid that if I embrace it I just won't be able to live with myself ever again. It leaves me feeling so much less than I've ever felt about myself. If I let it in it's not low self-esteem that I'm looking at but no self-esteem at all!

Yesterday I asked what to do while I was waiting, what to do while I was doing what I needed to do to get myself out of the whole I had dug for myself.

The answer: do something for myself, do something to make myself happy! (Hmmmm, sounds interesting, what is this HAPPY thing you talk about?)

So I took the advice (why not, if you're going to ask for advice it's only polite to be willing to try it out, right?). So, on my list of things to do today I put a box for fun. Sounds funny, having to put fun on your "to do" list, but whatever. What did I do? Put the exercise tape in, cranked up the Dave Matthews CD, and WORKED OUT!!! Love that endorphine high!!! In days to come I'll vary what I do but there will always be a box for fun. For example, there are a couple of topics I've wanted to explore just for the sake of just learning more about them. Great idea guys, thanks.