1. That there is a God and that God is a loving one.

2. That my children are the loves of my life, my air, and my reason for putting one foot in front of the other when I just want to quit.

3. That for the most part, I like myself.

4. That I'm a romantic (I just LOVE loving and being loved).

5. That I'm a people person.

6. That I'm a material girl.

7. That I enjoy and constantly seek out intellectual pursuits.

8. That I love the ocean and if I go too long without visiting it my soul begins to wither.

9. That I am not a brave person but I do have brave moments.

10. That I love to exercise.

11. That I am a naive person.

12. That I am a nice person.


13. That I love to see the sun shine.



14. And, what brought me to this blog experience, I MAKE BAD DECISIONS (but I'm getting better).

In trying to deal with ALL the stuff that is going on in my life I did something today that I hadn't done in a while - I stopped, made myself a cup of tea, sat down and looked out the window (the sun is shining today!).

THEN I thought about the decisions that I had to make today (some personal, some professional). I also thought about all of the comments that you all made regarding my quote on FEAR (thank you).

And guess what, I think that I actually made a good decision.


Basically, I thought about my truths (still working on them but interesting, they seem to be working as guidelines), visualized what I wanted my life to look like, made the decisions, and then implemented them. Without getting into the specifics I postponed a trip to my love interest (a relationship that I'm desperately trying to keep alive and there is a good possibility that when he hears this he'll tell me to go to hell!) to go to a job interview.

WHY was that a good decision? Well, first I looked at the FACTS (neither my love nor I has a job and between the two of us we have 6 kids, some custodial some not, he does things here and there but it's hardly sufficient). THEN, I pondered the emotional piece (I love him, miss him, and am AFRAID that I'm going to loose him). And whereas before I would have let the emotional side win (I really do believe that nothing is more important than LOVE) I chose the more rational, practical answer.

Interesting, making a decision this way allowed me to have less anxiety about it. In the moment there was pain and regret. But when I weighed that pain against the pain of not following my truths the latter won (one of my truths is that I love my children and in loving them I know that I have to take care of their physical, emotional, spiritual, and intellectual well being).

I'm hoping that all of this will translate into less regret in the long run should things go bad with the relationship (did I mention that I REALLY, REALLY HIM?).

Life is tough and we can't have it all so in light of that I guess it's best that we try to make GOOD DECISIONS.

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. There the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

Frank Herbet, Dune

(so powerful, thought it deserved it's own space)

Didn't post yesterday because I was running around all day and I rather enjoyed myself. In the current situation that I'm in (no money or job/not in my own space/not sure of my future) I spend a lot of time just hanging and in an emotional state somewhere inbetween BORED and DEPRESSED, especially on the weekends.

But yesterday, I went to dinner at my cousin's house. I met her about a year ago and she is a really cool person! What was so neat about the day was that it was what I used to do. Things like visiting friends, going places, and doing things.
I was so happy.

One of the conversations we had was about DECISION-MAKING styles. She asked me what I was going to do about a particular situation and I said I didn't know and couldn't make a decision (even though I'm pretty sure I have all of the facts I need to make a decision). The funny thing is that she said that she understood. It was a moment for me!

THIS IS MY PROBLEM! In the area of my personal life it is almost impossible for me to make a DECISION. I'm a scared "fraidy" cat (maybe that will be my icon). I've read all of the books on fear and I'm still a scared "fraidy" cat. One day I'll be brave enough to tell how I made one of the most important decisions of my personal life (anyone familiar with rock, paper, scissors?).

What is the quote in the Frank Herbet science fiction novel Dune?

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. There the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

OH, HOW I WISH...

A fellow Blogger mentioned that passing songs on that touched her heart was a good thing to do. I agree, the songs she posted made me smile when I saw them. And in the spirit of one good deed deserving another I wanted to pass this song on, it means a lot to me. Hope you like it! This weekend I'm trying to make my Blog look a little prettier. Wish me luck, I'm not much of a computer person.

"With a Little Help From My Friends"
By: The Beatles

What would you think if I sang out of tune,
Would you stand up and walk out on me.
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song,
And I'll try not to sing out of key.
I get by with a little help from my friends,
I get high with a little help from my friends,
Going to try with a little help from my friends.
What do I do when my love is away.
(Does it worry you to be alone)
How do I feel by the end of the day
(Are you sad because you're on your own)
No I get by with a little help from my friends,
Do you need anybody,
I need somebody to love.
Could it be anybody
I want somebody to love.
Would you believe in a love at first sight,
Yes I'm certain that it happens all the time.
What do you see when you turn out the light,
I can't tell you, but I know it's mine.
Oh I get by with a little help from my friends,
Do you need anybody,
I just need somebody to love,
Could it be anybody,
I want somebody to love.
I get by with a little help from my friends,
Yes I get by with a little help from my friends,
With a little help from my friends.