don't you just hate them? They pop up when you least expect them. Everything is going along OK and then, POW! you get what feels like a smack on the back of the head. And, if that wasn't enough THEN you have to decide what to do about the situation.

I woke up in what I though was a pretty good mood and then something happened. However, when IT happened I thought I felt a hint of a bad mood. So would the situation have been a situation if I had been in a better frame of mind? And here we are back at that perspective thing again, aren't we?

What I have to guard against as a laid back person (read doormat most of the time) is not that my borders have been violated but whether I have the darn things in place at all!

Anyway, I'll think about it, decide if it is fight I want to pick/can even afford to pick, and take action (or not).

I think I'm beginning to make good decisions. Why, because for the first time I'm THINKING THINGS THROUGH using the tools that I have gathered so far. I've become more aware of that VOICE inside. The voice is neither good nor bad, its just my thoughts. But isn't it true that thoughts unchecked can be as dangerous as a loaded gun?

What this seems to do is allow me to live a more conscious life. And in living a more conscious life I hope, dear God please, that I will be able to take my life where I want it to go.

Hopefully more of this and less of this . Thanks for listening. Have a great Sunday!

Today I'm going to take a break from all of my serious questionings of life. Today I want to talk about -

DO OVERS!!!

If I had the money in my hot little hands again (not the 401K money, that would stay in the 401K) there are a few things I would make sure to do (you know, to have something to show for all that money)-

1. have a brest enlargement operation done by Dr. Rey, a real high end doctor featured on the TV show "Dr. 90210."

2. buy a minivan because now I'm driving a 1990 Ford Escort that leaks, when one of the kids sneezes I feel a breeze!

3. get a weave, you know go for the Tyra Banks/Beyonce look.

I swear,big b__ bs, long flowing hair, and a nice ride would make all of this more bearable!!! Gotta LOL baby, LOL!!!

Now I'm off to go pay homage to the Big Kitty (just in case his evil plans are sucessful).

Huh, at my age I finally figured something out that I probably should have had awhile ago. That is, while bad decisions are, well, BAD. Indecision can be just as BAD!

It's just dawned on me that part of the reason why I'm where I am (in the hole that is) is due to indecision. Without getting into the specifics (not ready to do tackle that demon ) I've been unable to commit to one of two possible MAJOR paths for the past 6 years. I believe that some decisions can be made by the situation, however, major life altering decisions ($, kids, relationships) REQUIRE conscious, well informed thought and action! Never thought that I had a problem with commitment but maybe I do. The cost of my indecision to myself and others has been high. It's led to nothing but TROUBLE...and as always my friend Dave Matthews has a song that puts it all so nicely to music. Enjoy while I try to figure THIS one out!

Trouble by Dave Matthews

Trouble
Don't you see
That in your bed
I find no sleep
I confess you came because of me
Trouble get behind me now
Trouble let me be

Cold wet stone
Deep river bed
Once so clean and clear now runs red
You know to well
Was me that called you here
Trouble get behind me now
Trouble let me be

Oh sweet day
Leave me behind
I will never call on you
Until the day I die
Pray your mercy shine on me
Pray your mercy shine

Here I stand
Head bowed for thee
My empty heart begs you
Leave me be
But I confess
You know too well
That I have fallen
Pray your mercy give to me
Pray your mercy shine
Trouble ?????
Trouble thee
Let your mercy shine

Cold wet stone
River deep and red
Your cold heart beats inside my head
You know too well
It was me that brought you here
Ohhh trouble get behind me now
Trouble let me be
I pray your mercy shine on me
Trouble let me be

Why is it that when a love interest leaves me I feel like I am unlovable, undesirable, and sad? The opposite being that if I had others waiting in the wing I would let him go and feel happy that he made the right decision for himself. I would feel lovable, desirable, and be happy.

Why is it that if one employer rejects me I feel that I am useless, not good enough, and sad? The opposite being that if I had other offers I would quickly realize that the job was not for me. I would feel useful, worthy, and be happy.


When the truth of the matter is that being lovable and desirable is not dependent on whether I am alone or have lots of options. Being useful and worthy is not dependent on whether I am unemployed or have headhunters falling all over me.

What I think it comes down to is PERSPECTIVE and TIME/OPPORTUNITY.

I've got the time and opportunity thing down. Need to work on the perspective thing.

Here I go again with the Dune quotes by Frank Herbet but the novel is just so DEEP! I'm having a bit of a problem with what my inner self has been telling me on a matter. I actually don't want to HEAR it. Thus, one of the reasons for my bad decisions. I see but I don't acknowledge.

"How often it is that the angry man rages denial of what his inner self is telling him."

--"The Collected Sayings of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan