You know, I'm to the point with all the bad stuff that I really don't feel it anymore. Suppose it's a protective measure. Whatever, I'm thankful to God cause it's really too much to handle AND feel.

OK, here's the list of everything that went wrong today...

-got a phone call from Steve's mom telling me that he is in the hospital in ICU from a overdose of antidepressants and some other drug. I wish I could have cried with her as she was telling me but I have no tears left.

-found out that the hours that my boss promised me this weekend will not happen so I'm without income and the car's gas gauge is hovering on empty thus requiring me to ask the laid off ex-husband for gas money.

The problem: the ex really doesn't need any financial stress least his bipolar illness kick in thus starting him to think that I need to leave his house thus rendering me homeless (again).

-found out that the mere $100 in child support that I would have received has been diverted.

-got another job rejection letter.

-found out that some items that my dad who passed away in '95 gave me and that I had to put into pawn last December for Christmas presents have been sold.

All I can say is thank God for my faith...I will survive all of this...I know I will!!! God is with me and will get me through all of this...God does have a good and awesome plan for my life and I will be around AND intact to enjoy it. I'm not going to stress out or let fear have it's way with me. The cubs and I have our health, love and each other...they are happy...and I'm still swinging!!!

Grrrr...Failure is NOT an option!!!

Now I'm going to have some hot chocolate with LOTS of whipped cream and then watch some silly movie that will make me laugh my ass off. Love ya all...talk to you soon.

I tell you I'm constantly amazed at the strength of the human heart.  Indeed, we are all miracles!!!  When you think about love and all of it's glory - it really does make the world go round.  But we all know there's that down side to love also...the heartbreak. 

But this post is a shout out to all of us who have loved and lost and finally survived another day coming to the conclusion that it's all good.  Whether you're at the beginning of the journey, the middle or the end you get a thumbs up!!! 

Bravo!!!

Please stand up and take a bow and realize that the applause is indeed for you my friend.

How brave we all are to have the courage to finally say no to the heartache after it's ravaged our hearts, minds and souls.  Our hearts in so many little pieces all we can think to do is to pick up one of those sharp little pieces and plunge it into what seems to be the source of the pain to stop the ache.

I don't know where that courage comes from that finally wells up inside of us and tells us that we have to let go because we are indeed precious and should not subject ourselves to such pain.  Precious enough to have a love in our lives that doesn't hurt.  I don't know where it comes from but it blows my mind every time I see it in myself and others.  Indeed, I thank God for it!!! 

Here's to all of us that have loved and lost but in the end still decided that life is good and that we will go on to find glorious loves in our futures that will be even better than what we left behind.

Prayer request:
Please pray for Steve, things are not going well for him.  He's currently under a suicide watch and his family is trying to keep him together.  He feels as if he has nothing to live for.  Sometimes I feel bad for my part in the pain that he's experiencing.  I know that his heart is broken because the baby and I are no longer with him.  As I said, I applaud those of us who recover because some of us don't.

"When life takes a swing at ya, swing back!!!"
~ ME

Huh, there I go quoting myself again...LOL.  Thank you to everyone for the prayers and well wishes they helped sustain me during this very dark and difficult week. I gotta admit that this last turn of events knocked me on my butt.  God, I'm so sick of this position of being down on the ground looking up wondering what the hell!!!  But last night after a day of fasting and prayer I was moved to come up with and commit to a 5 year plan which I'll update every New Years Eve.  Heck, governments and corporations do long term planning because it's an essential step to achieving success.  And I'm SOOOO sick of my circumstances controlling my life...it's time for me to start controlling them!!!  From here on in I'm redoubling all of my efforts on all fronts...the hell with this!!! 

My prayer is that everyday God guide me and make sure that I'm working efficiently and effectively towards my goals.  Of course all of this will be done while I continue to seek and keep God first in my life and take care of my family and myself. 

The goal:  to be self-sufficient, that is to not have to answer to or be subject to the control of anyone except God and myself!!!

ASAP:
-acquire a FT stepping stone job that will allow me to afford rent and other living expenses to work at until I obtain my license to practice law in MI.
-move!!!

JAN '07: 
-bankruptcy discharge and start to save money for new 'used' car.

JUNE-DEC '07:
-dump the Chevy for a late model Mercedes using a small loan to start to establish positive credit.

JULY '07:
-take MI bar exam and pass it with flying colors!!!

AUG '07:
-beach vacation and when come back start to look for attorney position (if don't already have one lined up) with a full benefits package(health, 401k, etc).

JAN-DEC '08:
-purchase 1st HUD foreclosed property and start to put sweat equity into it to eventually turn it into a rental property.

JAN-DEC '09:
-purchase next level of HUD foreclosed property but at next level of location and house.

JAN '10:
-if have not rec'd significant promotions in current position seek higher paying, more prestige and responsibility position with ultimate goal to be making 6 figures (if want to) by age 50.

JAN '11:
-big big winter break vacation abroad with the cubs!!!

JAN '12 and BEYOND:
-using smart non-debt acquiring methods to acquire dream house, dream cars (new Mercedes SUV and vintage Mercedes convertible, remember the one from American Gigolo?!) and dream life (and you guys know that I can dream big...LOL).

Much love to you all. Catch up with you this weekend. Hope that you're all well.

I gotta tell you guys it's pretty dark where I'm at right now.

The weird thing is that I'm not freaked out about it even though the ramifications of what just happened could be grave. At times like this I understand the merit of being able to detach from painful situations.

The person who has been giving me shelter for the past 14 months just lost his job. One of the main reasons I was able to stay here was because I was able to watch the cubs while he worked. His job also allowed him to take up the slack of 2 extra people in the house and now it's gone.

I TELL YOU IT JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER AND BETTER...NOT!!!

And of course nothing has changed for me. Last week a job that I thought I was a shoe in for didn't happen. At this point I'm simply amazed at my circumstances.

HOWEVER...

...being a FAITHFUL SPIRITUAL PERSON I know that God has me and that I have nothing to fear.

...being an OPTIMIST I know that there is a silver lining to all of this mess.

...being a STUDENT OF LIFE I know that this dark time can't last forever and things will turn around soon.

PLEASE PRAY FOR MY FAMILY AND I.

The things that I'm thankful for...
(thanks Wayf for reminding me that lists can be good things.)

1. My faith, love and knowledge of God.

2. My three cubs and the fact that I'm a great mom who's had the honor to raise 3 healthy, beautiful, intelligent, and thoughtful children.

3. My mom, dad, aunt MaryEliz (yup, that's who the name came from), and uncle who gave me all the love in the world and a great start in life.

4. My sense of resiliency which is partly made up of my long suffering nature, laid back personality, sense of optimism and willingness to learn from my mistakes.

5. My health and love of physical fitness.

6. My friends, including all of you here in the Stream, and family who love and support me as I try to find my place in this world.

7. My sense of imagination, adventure, curiosity and spontaneity.

8. All that I've been privileged to accomplish in my life due to my intelligence including, but limited to, my academic and career successes (sorry for the legal-ease but I can't help it it's in my blood...LOL).

9. My love of love and quest for all things that bring me closer to love.

10. Life, people, and the planet earth.

I gotta hit the road this Thanksgiving so please wish us Godspeed and keep us in your prayers. I'll catch up with you guys when I get back. In the meantime enjoy your time off and...

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!