My friend Sharecher made a brilliant comment last night in her blog. She said,...

"EVERY WHERE YOU LOOK, LIFE IS A SOAP OPERA. ONLY IN [ ] REALITY, THE CLOTHES ARE SHABBIER AND MORE COMFORTABLE."

I had a bit of drama happen last night...

I answer the phone and it's Steve and he's crying. He says that he's had it with his ex-wife and that he calling me because he's had it with me and ending our relationship. Apparently, he'd pressed some issue with her concerning their child support/child custody agreement (she has sole custody of their children but agreed that 1 of the children would stay with him this school year). Whatever it was it pissed her off enough that she got in her car and drove for 6 hours to pick the child up!

He then starts to talk about the futility of his life because he does not live with any of his children. Then he tells me that he's making plans to disappear (either permanently or by just leaving). I spent the next few hours trying to convince him otherwise. Something I said must of sunk in because he's still alive and at home today and sounding stable.

Once I got him calmed down he asked if I would drive down this weekend so that he could see the baby. He said that it would help him deal with this if he could see her. I indicated to him that I had no problem doing so but for the fact that while I had money, I didn't have enough to make the trip.

Now here we get back to the BAD/GOOD DECISIONS thing again.

I just went down there 2 weeks ago and the only way I was able to make it work financially was because in addition to my money he helped me out. He indicated that this time he didn't have the money to help out.

I'm tempted to say, the hell with it and go down anyway. I'm in a relationship, good or bad, with this guy and he's going through a real tough time. I feel very bad that I'm not there for him. But I won't go because I believe that it would be a bad decision.

The facts are that he has family close by while I'm 10 hours away. I also hear that a snow storm is expected through my driving route and the trip would leave me strapped financially.

However, I'm feeling pretty shaky about the whole thing.

So that's the latest story line in the "Middle-Aged and the Emotionally Challenged" Soap Opera.

But back to that brilliant comment (you guys know me I've got to try to see some humor in this or I'll get very, very depressed). Anyway, one of my favorite REAL Soap Operas is the "Young and the Restless." In the story Victor...

and Nicky
are constantly marrying and divorcing each other (they look good, don't they? Nothing shabby about these two!). Don't know how many times but alot!!! They can't be with each other but they can't be away for each other. One day I tuned in and the characters were going through the EXACT circumstances that I was facing. I almost threw up!!!

MY LIFE IS A SOAP OPERA...only the clothes are shabbier and more comfortable

Thanks, my friend, for helping me deal with a tough one.

it says:

When going through hell, keep going.

-Winston Churchill


I look at it often these days!!!

Arrgh, I feel like I'm stuck in a time loop. The days are boring and they go on and on and on...and they're all the same...It's like I'm stuck in a bad movie!!!

I don't think it's any different than unemployment in any of the other WINTER months. The change of seasons will certainly help...in the SPRING I'll be able to go outside and watch Mother Nature revive herself in explosions of green...in the SUMMER I'll be able to go outside and bask in the sun's warmth...in the FALL I'll be able to go outside and watch Mother Nature's beautiful fireworks of reds, yellows, and browns. But for right now...

Let me set the stage a bit, I'm in the Midwestern part of the country...and it's cold and bleak...all of the color seems to be gone from the earth...

I go through page after page of job postings, reading them but not feeling them....I just keep hitting the submit button...maybe this one will call me, just maybe.

But I wonder, is unemployment in Paradise any different?

Imagine, you wake up and you don't have to brace yourself for getting out from under the covers. Then, you grab something to eat...Perhaps grab a juicy piece of fruit off a tree!!!
Not a bad way to start the day.

Then, it's time to go look for a job. You get on your scooter and head down to the library. The sun is shining so you throw on your shorts and flip flops. You kiss your mate as you leave your house.

Fastforward...OK things didn't go well. Didn't hear from anyone, bummer.

Too depressed to go back home, so you decide to take a walk to the beach...to play with the fishes...here fishy, fishy, you look good enough to eat!


Or go to the pool...


Anyway, what was that about depression?

Last night I was discussing an interview I had during the day and how well I thought it went. So I said, "If I were them I would hire me!"

Well, I guess the ex just couldn't let me have my moment and he proceeded to give me the "don't get cocky" lecture. You know, it's a tight job market and you can't take anything for granted...blah, blah, blah. Thank God, he's my ex!!!

OK, I know that! But I was just trying to be positive, have fun and give myself a little boost. Not putting myself on a pedestal, more like a stool to just keep my head above the flood of negative emotions that are just below the surface of my skin!!!

Anyway, it was at that moment that I wanted to turn into one of my favorite Super heros...WONDER WOMAN!!!


I'm going to use my golden cuffs to deflect those "I gotta be brutally honest with you" comments!!! No, no you don't HAVE to be brutally honest! I was just have a moment of fun...let me have just one darn minute, would you?

Then I'm going to get the golden lasso and tie your mouth shut!!! I don't want to hear your stinking "truth."

Finally, I'm gonna get in my invisible plane and fly myself away from you!!!

Anyone ever have a moment like this? Who would you have turned into and what would you have done to the offender? In a perfect world I think that we would all have super powers, don't you???

Sorry to sound so angry...I went through a lot with this man and moments like this remind me why!!!

To some of you I must seem like a child...I know that I ask a lot of questions here in my blog. That is because, in a way, I am like a child...and this is my journey of both growing up and reinventing myself.



And in doing that I find that there are gaps in my life experience and knowledge. So I come to the Blogstream community for answers, advice, wisdom, and guidance.

This passage nicely summarizes it for me...

Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some stay for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same.
Some people move us to new understanding, as they awaken our souls with a passing whisper of their wisdom.
Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon.



As always, thanks to all of you for your words and for easing my burdens along the way.