Emotions...you guys make me...what?...feel alive...how so?

You, over there, happiness, I love you
...you tickle me.
...you make me laugh...you make me feel good.
...can you stay forever?...why not?
OK, I understand but please be with me a majority of the time, please.

You, hey, anger...I'm talking to you
...don't take that tone with me!
Go away, you're unnecessary, you don't make me feel good...
I don't need you...but wait, stay.
I remember when you helped motivate me, helped me to protect myself.
OK, you can stay but keep it down.

And you, sadness...I want you to go and NEVER come back.
...do you hear me!!!...never come back!!!
You are a sneak...you lurk in the shadows and then jump out.
You're like a wave...you hit and I drown in coldness, I can't breath
...all I can do is wait for you to pass.
I have no control over you...go away, you serve no purpose.

What's that?...you remember a time when you helped motivate me.
Yes, you did get me to move away from that bad situation...
you made it such that my only option was to leave or else be consumed by you.
And yes, when I compare you with happiness I see the blessings in my life...
you make me appreciate and cherish the good times in life.
OK, you can stay too but please, try not to make your presence known very often.

Yes, I guess it's true...you guys make me feel alive.

Last night was tough but today is here and the sun is shining and I have an emotional hangover. I'm tired. I feel awful but I'll survive. As always, I get by with a little help for my friends. For me the miracle of the stream is evidenced in moments like last night. I reached out and many hands reached back. Since I started blogging I've come to know some more than others but everyone contributes to the good will that is the healing part of the stream. Thank you friends...

The gift of friendship sometimes is a healing balm to the wounds of life.

A lot of the things that you all have said have helped me. I love each and everyone of you and thank you for your kindness. A few postings and comments came to mind this morning...

Blumoon made a comment last night that helped me to understand why I was caught off guard. She said...

"...there is a certain amount of emotion that will need to be dealt with before you can heal!"

My comment back was, "I now see that I've got to deal with it...while I still don't know where I'm going I do see that I'll have to deal with the emotions along the way. This helps me to understanding more about deatchment...and that is, while one is distancing themselves from their emotions in an effort to make a clear, rational decision the emotions don't disappear. They remain to be dealt with at another time. Funny me...engaging in that magical thinking again...silly, silly me...and that's why last night caught me off guard."

Black Napalm wrote a poem entitled "Today" a few days back...it came to mind this morning as I was doing my emotional clean up. One passage read...

"Hope that today I can glance at tomorrows to come and not yesterdays that were.
Today I decide to move forward with life in all its glory and reverent splendor
and not be a slave to memories of what once was and never will be again.
Yes, friends, today is the day."

My comment back was..."if we could all start every day off with that hope...I think that we would accomplish something. Wonderful way to put hope into words."

I think today is a good day for me to remember BNP's poem.

GirlDowntheStreet wrote a poem earlier this week also entitled "Either Way." As usual it was beautiful and magnificent. I thought that I saw myself in it. Part of my comment back was that I thought that it was a poem about surrender and peace. It hit me hard because it so accurately described the place where I so proudly thought I was. I now see that I'm not out of the woods yet. However, the poem is now a beautifully worded reminder of a state of mind that I hope to achieve once I've dealt with my emotions. Once I've dealt with my crossroads...

Finally, last but not least, Rosie's back...all is right with the force again...there isn't a hole in the fabric of time anymore...and I'm rejoicing because she's back. Love you Rosie...your return this morning energized me to get back up again and start putting one foot in front of the other...

...with tears in my eyes

It's all coming back
the sadness
the confusion
the pain
the fear

...with tears in my eyes

I wonder what's wrong with me
lack of courage
lack of perception
lack of self-esteem
lack of vision

...with tears in my eyes I'm sitting at this computer just staring at it...just staring.

Funny when I'm trying to fight something, trying to deal with some issue that is kicking me in the head, it makes its' presence known on and off.

I fight the good fight and play the mind games I need to play to keep going forward...but then, like a snake in the grass, it reaches out and grabs me. I don't understand why the defenses fail.

I don't understand while in the middle of what seems like a perfect day I feel like I'm back to square one again. The snake has its' fangs in me tonight and it hurts. I miss him.

Hey everybody...I got to see a movie today...all by myself and uninterrupted!!! This might not seem like a big deal to a lot of you but it is. With 3 children ranging in age from 11 to 3 I have NO time to myself. And if I do get to go to a movie its something like Hoodwinked or Chicken Little. I love the cubs but it's nice to see something I want to see...

So, what'd you seeee?

A wild, kick ass movie with a STRONG FEMALE LEAD...

UNDERWORLD EVOLUTION



Without getting into a movie review it's about a female vampire, Saline, who discovers that the leader of her group (or coven in vampire speak) has betrayed her and her kind for 6 centuries. As she gets deeper into the deception she has to fight some pretty bad characters. Yet, she remains unshaken throughout the movie and keeps going. Be warned, it's gory and violent as heck but I still enjoyed it. Of course, she's a vampire so she does have an advantage but there are other strong human female characters that I love.

Who can forget Lex from AVP. All I can say is that she told them so!!! Would they listen?...NO, and look what happened!!!

...and Niobe from Matrix Reloaded...Wow, could she drive or what?!!


But wait ME, does the character have to be fighting a monster to be strong? No, of course not. One of my favorite strong female characters is Clarrisa, or Mrs. Dalloway, from The Hours.




In the movie Clarissa has to find the strength to deal with her friend who is dying. What I thought was the challenge for Clarissa was the fact that the friend's death represented unrealized hope and love in her life. However, after his death she finds the strength to redefine herself and rediscover love and hope.

Anyway, I love movies with strong women...I know it's all idealized but it gives me a glossy version of all of the things that I work on every day...to be strong, unafraid, and sexy!!! Movies are so wonderful!!!

Have a good day everyone!!!