When I think about love gone wrong I think of this song by one of my heros, Tina Turner. Hope you enjoy...



"What's Love Got To Do With It"

You must understand
That the touch of your hand
Makes my pulse react
That it`s only the thrill
Of boy meeting girl
Opposites attract

It`s physical
Only logical
You must try to ignore
That it means more than that

[Chorus]
Oh whats love got to do, got to do with it
What`s love but a second hand emotion
What`s love got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a heart
When a heart can be broken

It may seem to you
That i`m acting confused
When you`re close to me
If i tend to look dazed
I`ve read it someplace
I`ve got cause to be

There`s a name for it
There`s a phrase that fits
But whatever the reason
You do it for me

[Chorus]

I`ve been thinking of a new direction
But i have to say
I`ve been thinking about my own protection
It scares me to feel this way

What`s love got to do, got to do with it
What`s love but a sweet old fashioned notion
What`s love got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken

Wanted to put this one out there...how do y'all deal with the tough times You know when you've got a real hard issue to work through, something excruciatingly painful Something so hard that you almost want to die rather than face

My God, the issues when you think of them you feel a wave of fear, sadness, anger, and hopelessness wash over you all in one fell swoop. The issues that stop you in your tracks...you know what I'm talking about, right.

I know that everyone has different ways of coping. Specifically, I'm talking about when there is no one around, no one to call. I've resorted to a couple of different techniques...

One thing I do is to talk out loud to myself. I talk to me as if I were my best friend and I loved me and wanted to help. This seems to work very well. And when I don't listen to myself I even gently raise my voice a bit [Not to worry it's not a Brad Pitt-Fight Club type of conversation].

Another thing I do is to visualize the fight. When I was hearing all of that stuff that Steve had to say a couple of nights I was talking with Rosie. She asked me how I was doing...I said that I was fighting it off with a sword and shield. It helped. My friend over at MacKenzie's Inner wrote a wonderful story about her fight with the blues.

One more thing I do is to remember the words that you all have said to me...the kind thoughts...the advice...the support. Included in this is posting to my blog or surfing the web.

Finally, last but you know not least, I pray.

So what are some of the things that you guys do I fear that I've more tough times to come so I wanted to get as much help as possible.

Love each and everyone of you...thanks for being my friends.

Hey Guys, sorry for not coming up with FFFs today. I just can't seem to get in the mood. Hopefully tomorrow.

I need you all, if you would, send prayers and healing thoughts to my brother-in-law. He's currently in the hospital. He has stage 4 cancer and he's fighting for his life. He went in Wednesday night for a blood transfusion.

The man is so dear to me. I still refer to him as my brother-in-law for even though his brother divorced me, he didn't.

Soon after the separation this dear man and his family came to visit the kids and I. He came to show and tell us that we were still part of the family. I remember this so clearly because it was right after I had come into consciousness. I was finally aware of my life and my emotions. And here this wonder man and his family demonstrated love to me...not "I love you" love but love as a verb...love as an action.

It couldn't have had a better present upon my awaking. Please pray for him...he is a wonderful man and deserves all the happiness that life has to offer.

Last night's episode: Delaying the Inevitable or Saving Love

Here's another tough one...

Steve called bitching at me again. The usual...my thinking was wrong...I should have never brought the the children to live with their father...It's unfair to our child...He loves me, even likes me but can't deal with the way I operate and my philosophies.

I don't say much except that I can't really talk cause I'm in a room full of people and he's got his music on so loud I can't really talk. At this point he's sobbing, saying he misses his children and how unfair it all is...

A bit later I call his back to make sure he's calmed down and he says that he can't talk because he has company. OK, hang up. A bit later he calls back and says he's OK and heading upstairs.

OK, hang up. But the last part of the conversation hung in my mind...going upstairs, GOING UPSTAIRS!!! Steve never goes upstairs. I call back, "Why going upstairs?"..."Because I have company."..."Going to sleep with someone else?"..."Yes"..."Fine"

But I just couldn't let it go...couldn't drop it!!!

I called back. "OK, just know if you do this I tell the baby that you were to one who finally ended the relationship"...Steve then says, "Your kidding, you're living in the same house with your ex-husband!"..."Yes, but there is nothing going on!"...and Steve hangs up.

So at this point I'm thinking it's over. I get start to talk with Rosie, my dear Rosie, who is holding my hand through this whole ordeal. I love you Rosie, thanks for being there. I'm not on the floor sobbing but just talking with Rosie about my emotions that are ranging from anger to sadness. And then 10 minutes later Steve calls back.

"I told her to go home. I thought about it and decided that too much was at stake." I then said that it was good and I was relieved. He then said, "Well that's the stuff you do for love" We hung up and said good night. I popped a sleeping pill cause no way in hell was I going to stay up all night thinking about that episode!!!

Anyway, so today is today. Last night we discussed my going down to visit him this weekend...

The funny thing about last night was that if I had called 5-10 minutes later the deed would have been done, he would have slept with that slut, and I'd be writing an entirely different post this morning.

What a mess...I'm numb and I don't know what to think about all of this

So what am I holding on for...holding out for? A MIRACLE...maybe he won't get a job down there, decide that he wants to be with us, and decide to move where I am...maybe, just maybe...

As Cher says, life is a soap opera except the clothes are more comfortable and shabbier.

FRIENDSHIP PRAYER

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.

AMEN