Today would have been my 14th wedding anniversary if my ex-husband hadn't divorced me. He divorced me because I spent too much money. I thought that I had it under control, I had my own income...but as a young couple with 2 toddlers there were better things I could've been doing with my money than decorate the new house.
On numerous occasions he asked me not to use my credit cards, he would bail me out, then I would run them up again. He finally got sick of the cycle and ended the marriage. I don't blame him...he had reached his limit. Everyone should have limits, boundaries. The stress got so bad for him that it triggered his Bipolar illness, something that he has to struggle with to this day due to my irresponsible actions.
I won't get into why I did it, why it happened...the purpose of this is not to make excuses, not to justify the behavior...just look it straight in the eye and acknowledge that it is part of me. I need to be aware of it to change it. Spending money is an everyday thing but for me there will always be an extra level of care that I'll have to exercise when it comes to making purchases.
This post is to apologize to him...I'm doing it here because he is the type that believes that people don't change. I've apologized a million times and all he says is...don't say sorry, don't tell me you've changed, show me!
As I start my new life I believe it is important to revisit the past to review prior mistakes the ensure that they aren't repeated. At this time I myself am in the process of filing for bankruptcy.
This is an excerpt from his bankruptcy filing...
My ex-spouse has a personal history (and family history) of credit abuse. During the marriage, she was the higher wage earner, but had been unable to manage her money. I recognized her reckless spending is a family legacy. Her selfish, deceptive, and irresponsible spending destroyed the marriage and is the real cause I'm in bankruptcy. During my marriage, she went on several spending binges that destroyed the family's financial health. She has been an off and on member of Debtor's Anonymous. Throughout the marriage she was never able to control this destructive problem. She may prove to have the ability to manage the properties transferred, however, her history indicates otherwise. I need a full and complete dissolution of any and all financial connections to her...For the sake of protecting the children from her irresponsible character, I sought divorce at any cost, and sacrificed everything.
I can't deny it hurts to read this but was true...I'm sorry ex-husband.
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12 Steps of Debtors Anonymous
1. We admitted we were powerless over debt--that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to compulsive debtors, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Copyright © A.A. World Services, Inc. Adapted
