He did give my car away...geeez, what a mess... I'm tired you guys, just plain tired of it all... guess I'll just sit down and wait for that miracle.

or at least that's what he said that he did, I knew something like this was going to happen.

Last night Steve calls and says send me the title to your car I need to make some money...I said no...he said that if I didn't send it he would push it over the cliff...I told him to go ahead I wasn't sending the title.

A few hours later he calls and tells me that he has given my car away...that I should've COOPERATED...and that he was thinking of burning the rest of my stuff and what did I think...I said that I had no power to do anything at that time but he had gotten me back by giving the car away, then I asked him why he was being so cruel...he said REVENGE...I asked him how old he was ...he said that wanting revenge had nothing to do with age...

and that HE WAS SICK OF THE WOMEN IN HIS LIFE SCREWING HIM!!!

I hung up after that...so this morning I have to get on the phone with the local law enforcement authorities and find out what my options are...that is after I deal with a full day at work and try to figure out how to get my disabled truck up and running again.

And I was doing so well, I was so happy to not be fighting with him, knowing that I had closed that chapter of my life. And now, back the proverbial two steps after taking 3 steps ahead.
And I know that it's only stuff and if it's gone it's gone. I'm not sweating that so much but I do have my entire life's worth of things at his house including clothes, personal memoirs, and a couple of sentimental pieces of furniture.

What I think I'm having a problem with is the effect he has on my life...after all of that I'm left with feelings of

profound sadness...
feeling of powerlessness...
and generally being overwhelmed cause I'm doing so much to get back on track, everyday is critical and now I have to take time away from that to deal with his foolishness...even for me, the eternal optimist...in the moment it was too much...I cried...but I'm better today.

So I'll spend the day doing what I have to...keeping favorite motivational quotes nearby ("When going through hell keep going" comes to mind)...remembering everyone's kind and encouraging words...a believing that God is with me and that in the end it will all be OK.

I've been meaning to do this post for awhile now. For some reason I've noticed that people have a hard time accepting complements. You know the type of person I'm talking about. The one who is wonderful in every way...kind, caring, intellegent, and beautiful...and yet they can't seem to accept a complement acknowledging how precious they are. This goes for men and women alike. A lot of us here in the Stream are guilty of this sin.

But why? My guess is that it has something to do with the messages we get from society...be better, prettier, smarter. We are never enough, never complete. Perhaps some of us even have someone in our lives who is whispering harmful messages into our ears. These people are to be avoided at all cost if possible.

Anyway, to that end I'd like to share one of my favorite passages from one of my favorite authors. Marianne Williamson wrote the book, A Course in Miracles and if any of you haven't read the book I highly recommend it.

So with no further ado here it is...and next time you receive a compliment go ahead and accept it for the truth. Perhaps that person sees something that you just can't see yet...

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who are we to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are born to make manifest the Glory of God within us. It's in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others." -- Marianne Williamson

Haven't done this in a while. Gosh, I actually had to think about it this time. Anyway, here goes...

#1. I now understand the power of the squeeze toy. One of the cubs came to me and started the conversation with..."You're not going to like this"...immediately I braced for the worse but I knew that I needed to remain calm during the telling of misbehavior and misdeeds so that I could hear the story straight. So for the first time I reached for the squeeze toy...started squeezing as if my life depended on it. And to my surprise it worked...I was able to stay calm and listen...all hail the squeeze toy!!!

#2. Of all of the cubs toys I like to play with Leggos the most. Doing so calms me and helps me with my impaired visual manipulation skills.

#3. I like looking into people's faces, especially their eyes...I find it to be a moving experience.

#4. More often than not I end up sleeping in my clothes...don't know if that's a fun fact or a pathetic one, anyway. I think a lot of it has to do with feeling like I'm on red alert all the time. So much to do, at the end of the day I just get so busy and I'm so tired I just skip that step in an effort to get some relief from the day. In the morning after the cubs are off to school I'll grab a shower or do it at the gym. Plus I just don't feel comfortable where I'm living right now...it's not my home, ya know All I can say is thank God for PJs that look like outerwear and vice versa.

#5. My suspicions have been confirmed once again...it's true...yup, I'm a bona fide gym bunny!!! I can't get enough of it...

Hope y'all are having a great weekend and I'll be out to visit this weekend, I promise...I know I've not been around much...sorry.
See ya soon...

This post is dedicated to two of my good friends. Friends who are dealing with the usual trials and tribulations that life throws at us all. One is on that emotional roller coaster...trying so hard to get things right...all the while becoming more and more tired from the fight. The second is feeling the waves that sometimes come and knock us over. You know the ones when you've just gotten back on your feet and then another wave comes in and knocks you down.

I see both of them shaking their heads with worried looks on their faces...wondering when will it all STOP and when will the good things START.

I wanted you both to know that it will be OK. Not trying to give any wise clever advice here for both of you are so strong and so wise and so wonderful. This is just a message of hope from me to you...and to all of my friends here in the Stream...for I truly believe that...



...they always do if you don't give up and keep believing. Love ya.