Bent
by Matchbox 20

If I fall along the way
Pick me up and dust me off
And if I get too tired to make it
Be my breath so I can walk

If I need some other love
Give me more than I can stand
And when my smile gets old and faded
Wait around I'll smile again

Shouldn't be so complicated
Just hold me and then
Just hold me again

Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together

You're breaking me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent

If I couldn't sleep could you sleep
Could you paint me better off
Could you sympathize with my needs
I know you think I need a lot

I started out clean but I'm jaded
Just phoning it in
Just breaking the skin

Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together

You're breaking me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent

Start bending me
It's never enough
I feel all your pieces

Start bending me
Keep bending me until I'm completely broken in

Shouldn't be so complicated
Just touch me and then
Just touch me again

Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together

You're breaking me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent

Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together

You're breaking me in
And this is how we will end
With you and me bent

I wonder where my breaking point will be this time? The little things that should be rolling off my back have me approaching that point a lot these days. My emotions are up and down, up and down but the downs seem to be getting lower and lower.

In the course of my life I've hit it a couple of times. When my husband told me that he was preparing to leave me and the last time I had to choose between my children's happiness and my own. Yet, right now I see others who are dealing with pain that is far greater than mine and they seem to be handling their situations with perseverance, patience, hope and vision. While I'm still struggling...

Braking point=the moment when you reach such stress that you snap, go over the edge, make the decision that it's time to go to bed and cry big tears cause it's all too much to bear.

Funny that I've always been preoccupied with this moment in films, that is the character's breaking point. Pretty morbid, I know but, oh well. Anyway, a couple of scenes come to mind.

If anyone saw the movie, "Secret Window", there is a particularly disturbing moment. Mort (Johnny Depp) is a depressed writer going through a divorce. One day, a menacing guy named John Schooter (John Turturro) shows up at Mort’s door and accuses him of plagiarism. He keeps coming back to the house which turns into a deadly vendetta against Mort. Shooter actually turns out to be a figment of Rainey’s fractured psyche that shattered the moment he found his wife in bed with another man. His BREAKING POINT was that betrayal. The pain from that moment was just too much to bear and ultimately it breaks his psyche into pieces.

Or how about the scene in "BraveHeart" when Robert the Bruce has just betrayed William Wallace (Mel Gibson) to the English king. This comes on the heels of Robert befriending William. Wallace literally, in that moment of betrayal, because his heart is so emotionally wounded lays down to die. That scene always brings me to tears. I swear that I can feel the pain that he's suffering and I can imagine that his heart is actually feeling physical pain. William's BREAKING POINT is that betrayal after which he would rather die.

I wonder what it will be for me? I'm so fragile right now, so weak, so tired. There is so much to do and it's crushing at times. I know they're just movies but I think they stand for some real human experiences. I find it fascinating that such strong people could be undone by broken hearts.

Yesterday was my daughter's birthday, she turned 10 years old!!!

This would be Cub #2...so precious she is. Of all of my children she resembles me the most physically and emotionally. I look at her and I see myself. She is a most wonderful child and I love her with all my heart. Please, if you would, join me in a birthday prayer for her. May God be with you, guiding and protecting you, all the days of your life, dear daughter.

She's my artist...my innocent spirit...my tiger girl...

Today was a soccer day!!! And for a little bit I was a soccer mom!!!
(love professional soccer, those guys are amazing)

Nothing changed life still crazy but for a bit I decided to toss the pain away and enjoy it for a bit. No earth shattering insights.

So we get to the field and Cub #1 was off with dreams of scoring one for the team. Meanwhile Cub #2 finds a good friend to gab with, who wants to watch your sib's game when there is socializing to be done. And of course, the one that keeps me hopping, Cub #3. I see her eyes light up as she spies a mud hole. "Oh God", I say to myself, "not mud!!!" I then let go of all of my stress and let the little one play in the mud. Last time I checked soap and water were in abundant supply.

Hope everyone is having a good Saturday!!!

I've been a mess lately and you all have been there to help every step of the way. I'd like to take a minute to say thanks to each and everyone of you. You guys know how I feel, that is without y'all I wouldn't be doing as well as I am or have made such great progress in my journey to rebuild myself.

I know that I haven't been visiting Blogs the way that I should or would like to be doing and I apologize for that. Hopefully, this weekend.

Until then, know that I love you all.