by Van Halen

Don't wanna wait 'til tomorrow
why put it off another day?
one by one, little problems
build up, and stand in our way. Oh

One step ahead, one step behind it
now you gotta run to get even
make future plans I'll dream about yesterday, hey!
come on turn, turn this thing around

Right now
Hey! It's your tomorrow
Right now
come on, it's everything
Right now
catch your magic moment
do it right here and now
it means everything

Miss a beat, you lose a rhythm
and nothin' falls into place
only missed by a fraction
slipped a little off your pace

The more things you get, the more you want
just trade in one for another
workin' so hard to make it easy
got to turn, come on
turn this thing around

Right now
Hey, it's your tomorrow
Right now
come on, it's everything
Right now
catch that magic moment
do it right here and now
it means everything
it's enlightened me
right now
what are you waitin' for?
right now

Right now
Hey! It's your tomorrow
Right now
come on, it's everything
Right now
catch that magic moment
and do it right, right now
oh, right now!

It's what's happening
right here and now
right now, it's right now
tell me, what are you waitin' for?
Turn this thing around

During the video for "Right Now" numerous messages are displayed which are listed below.

Right now, Ed is playing the piano.
Right now, people are having unprotected sex.
Right now, justice is being perverted in a court of law.
Right now, blacks and whites don't eat together very much.
Right now, you could be outside.
Right now the light from a star in M5 is heading towards earth
Right now, light that left M5 a thousand years ago is getting to your house.
Right now, God is killing mums and dogs because he has to.
Right now, guilt is turning someone inside out.
Right now, Van Halen is planning a world tour.
Right now, a bomb factory worker is hard at work.
Right now you are sitting too close.
Right now someone’s got the wrong idea. (I will wrestle you for food)
Right now, oil companies and old men are in control.
Right now, its business as usual in the woods (bears!)
Right now, nothing is more expensive than regret. (condom)
Right now, is a space between the ice ages.
Right now, youth is king.
Right now, maybe we should pay attention to the lyrics.
Right now, is a good time to repent.
Right now, the truth is being obscured.
Right now, science is building a better tomato (silicone bag!)
Right now, pigs are becoming lunch.
Right now, someone is working too hard for minimum wage.
Right now, a convenience store is open.
Right now, Mike is thinking about a solo project.
Right now, your parents miss you.
Right now, oysters are being robbed of their sole possession.
Right now, no-one is safe from loneliness.
Right now, its cold where someone you know lives. (grave)
Right now, it’s nicer in Cabo.
Right now, a madman is wandering the streets of the town where you live.
Right now, she is going on with her life.
Right now, time is having its way with you.
Right now, forces are aligning against you.
Right now, someone is walking onto a nude beach for the first time.
Right now, Eds got his hands full.
Right now, you wish you had a larger TV
Write now.
Right now, our government is doing things that we think only other countries do.
Right now, you aren’t doing what you want to the most.
Right now is harder than it looks.
Right now, your memory is getting longer whilst your life is getting shorter.
Right now, dogs have it good.
Right now, we cannot blame the Japanese.
Right now, there is no cure.
Right now, keeps happening.
Right now, we must be going.

After the fire the forest is most fertile
open to new life, the soil rich from what was seared in the fire.



As is my mind
open to new truths after the pain of heartbreak, the landscape of my heart kneaded from the suffering now ready to accept new truths.

But why in my life does it always take total devistation to open up my heart and mind?

Thoughts of him stay with me, you know? I do my best, not trying to forget him for I love him too much to do that, but to stay in the moments of my life like I'm supposed to and take care of all of my responsibilities. For example, the other day the cubs and I went to the Circus. For the most part we had a great time but every once in a while I'd stare off into space, thinking of him.

As I quietly observed what was going on in my head a quote came to mind...


“More than those who hate you, more than all your enemies, an undisciplined mind does greater harm.”
~ Buddha

As I went a little further into my heart I sensed that while there was sadness there was also happiness. I then pondered the thought of whether it was possible for one to entertain the two sentiments at the same time. Another quote came to mind...


"Mindfulness is the aware, balanced acceptance of the present experience.
It isn't more complicated that that.
It is opening to or receiving the present moment, pleasant or unpleasant, just as it is,
without either clinging to it or rejecting it."
~Sylvia Boorstein

So as I enjoyed the Circus and spent time with my children I managed to come away with yet another level of awareness. As I said this seems to be a most interesting time for me. I then thought about the last few weeks and the purpose for them. In other words, to what end, why do we suffer?


"Encountering sufferings will definitely contribute to the elevation of your spiritual practice, provided you are able to transform calamity and misfortune into the path."

"The fundamental philosophical principle of Buddhism is that all our suffering comes about as a result of an undisciplined mind, and this untamed mind itself comes about because of ignorance and negative emotions. For the Buddhist practitioner then, regardless of whether he or she follows the approach of the Fundamental Vehicle, Mahayana or Vajrayana, negative emotions are always the true enemy, a factor that has to be overcome and eliminated. And it is only by applying methods for training the mind that these negative emotions can be dispelled and eliminated. This is why in Buddhist writings and teachings we find such an extensive explanation of the mind and its different processes and functions. Since these negative emotions are states of mind, the method or technique for overcoming them must be developed from within. There is no alternative. They cannot be removed by some external technique, like a surgical operation."
~from 'Dzogchen: The Heart Essence of the Great Perfection'

The last thing that I explored, to bring this train of thought to an end (to ponder another thought another day, I'm sure, you know ME) was to draw a conclusion about what to do about my continuing to think about him. I decided that I wouldn't stop loving him or thinking about him even if we weren't together. Not in an effort to hold on to him or stay in love but just to love him for the great man that he is and the time that we had together. Kinda like the peace that I made with my old friend limbo. The less I fight it, the less it hurts. I know that I still have a long way to go and some days are better than others but I think that this is a good beginning.

Interesting, it seems that as I work on finding a greater love for myself I seem to have greater love for others. This was a most wondrous revelation to me. To that end, here's one last quote that seems to wrap all of this quite nicely...


"The only reason we don't open our hearts and minds to other people is that they trigger confusion in us that we don't feel brave enough or sane enough to deal with. To the degree that we look clearly and compassionately at ourselves, we feel confident and fearless about looking into someone else's eyes."
~Pema Chodron

Sorry for the rambling...take care everyone...love you all.

Buddhist Saying ~

You can explore the universe looking for somebody who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself,
and you will not find that person anywhere.

The Matrix is the ultimate transformation movie for me. Like my friend Colo, movies are a source of inspiration and comfort for me. To me the movie stands for so much...without a doubt my #1 fav movie of all time...I love it, love it, love it!!!

Why? Well, to me it stands for our ability as humans to transcend and transform ourselves. Neo, the main character starts of as a person unaware of his surroundings. Ultimately he transforms into an individual who is fully aware of his powers. Now for all of you Martix fans you know that there's a bit more to it than that but that's it in a nutshell. I could write a dissertation on the movie...perhaps one day I will...that would be a fun thing for me.

So given my current state of mind I've decided to go back to that which motivated me so much during one of my previous down and out periods. Back then I think I watched the movie about 100 times. What surprised me this time around was that I was able to gain even more and different insight from the movie this time around. Like I said before, seems like our paths continue on and on and on. Our duty...to learn from it in order to make our lives and the lives of our loved ones better.

What I took from the movie this time was the motivations that fueled Neo's different stages of transformation. The first Neo is the self-doubting one. He's not sure of what's real and where he belongs. The second Neo has crossed over the threshold of knowing that perhaps there is more to life than what he initially thought. Yet, he's not sure what to make of it but he seems to be willing to suspend disbelief and give it a go...open minded I think it's called. The last Neo is transformed because of his love for someone other than himself. His friend is in danger and he has to risk his life to save him and in the process he discovers how strong he truly is. Bottom line...it stands for our ability to extend ourselves beyond our programming.Is this my movie or what?!

Anyway, here are a few of the more inspirational quotes from the movie...

----------------------------------------------------------------------

FIRST NEO...asleep...(ZIP UP JACKET):



Morpheus: This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.



Morpheus: I imagine that right now, you're feeling a bit like Alice. Hmm? Tumbling down the rabbit hole?
Neo: You could say that.
Morpheus: I see it in your eyes. You have the look of a man who accepts what he sees because he is expecting to wake up. Ironically, that's not far from the truth. Do you believe in fate, Neo?
Neo: No.
Morpheus: Why not?
Neo: Because I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my life.
Morpheus: I know exactly what you mean. Let me tell you why you're here. You're here because you know something. What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your entire life, that there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is, but it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me. Do you know what I'm talking about?
Neo: The Matrix.
Morpheus: Do you want to know what it is?
Neo: Yes.
Morpheus: The Matrix is everywhere. It is all around us. Even now, in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work... when you go to church... when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.
Neo: What truth?
Morpheus: That you are a slave, Neo. Like everyone else you were born into bondage. Into a prison that you cannot taste or see or touch. A prison for your mind.



Morpheus: I'm trying to free your mind, Neo. But I can only show you the door. You're the one that has to walk through it.
Morpheus: Free your mind.
[Morpheus jumps from one building to another a long distance away]
Neo: Whoa.
Morpheus: You have to let it all go, Neo. Fear, doubt, and disbelief. Free your mind.
Neo: Okey dokey... free my mind. Right, no problem, free my mind, free my mind, no problem, right...

----------------------------------------------------------------------

2nd NEO Going to meet the Oricle (SUIT JACKET)



Oracle: Do you know what that means?
[points to a banner]
Oracle: It means know thy self. I wanna tell you a little secret, being the one is just like being in love. No one needs to tell you you are in love, you just know it, through and through.



Spoon boy: Do not try and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead... only try to realize the truth.
Neo: What truth?
Spoon boy: There is no spoon.
Neo: There is no spoon?
Spoon boy: Then you'll see, that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Last NEO...going to save Morpheus...(DUSTER COAT):



Tank: So what do you need? Besides a miracle.
Neo: Guns. Lots of guns.



Trinity: What's he doing?
Morpheus: He's beginning to believe.



Morpheus: Neo, sooner or later you're going to realize just as I did that there's a difference between knowing the path and walking the path.



Trinity: Neo, I'm not afraid anymore. The Oracle told me that I would fall in love and that that man... the man that I loved would be The One. So you see, you can't be dead. You can't be... because I love you. You hear me? I love you.
[Neo's vital signs return]
Trinity: Now get up!



Neo: I know you're out there. I can feel you now. I know that you're afraid... you're afraid of us. You're afraid of change. I don't know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell you how it's going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone, and then I'm going to show these people what you don't want them to see. I'm going to show them a world without you. A world without rules and controls, without borders or boundaries. A world where anything is possible. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you.