Hey y'all, welcome to Self Esteem Sunday!!! Every Sunday I'm going to do my best to share with you what I've learned about self esteem during the week.
The reason why I'm making such an effort to work on my self esteem is that I feel that I've done a pretty good job of making a mess of my life (not being negative, just honest). And while all of my BAD DECISIONS just about flattened my house the foundation, that is ME, still remains. But what I have to do before I start to rebuild is to reinforce the walls of my foundation. And that's what I think self esteem is about. Reinforcing you from the inside, making you stronger, so that you can dream and achieve all the visions that you have for your life.
So without further ado let's start with some assessments. I found these to be great fun to take. However, I was surprised at my results. While they were not in the basement they certainly did not put me at the top of the class. Looks like I have my work cut out for me. Anyway, stay tuned and let me know how it goes for you guys. Love to you all!!!
Self Esteem Test #1(this one is pretty comprehensive)
Self Esteem Test #2(this one is a quickie)
Self Esteem Test #3(and here's one for you guys but it seems to not be loading so I'll keep looking for one for y'all)
WHAT IS SELF ESTEEM?
Webster's dictionary defines self-esteem as a confidence and satisfaction in oneself; self-respect. Self-esteem (or self-image) is how you think and feel about yourself. Someone with healthy self-esteem feels they are worthy and able to cope with life's challenges. They have a positive, yet realistic view of themselves and their abilities. Even when things seem to go wrong, they are able to accept themselves and feel they are worthy. People with low self-esteem or low self-confidence doubt their abilities and have unrealistic expectations for themselves. Their sense of self-worth is excessively dependent on what others think and they often put themselves down or judge themselves very harshly.
To summarize, self-esteem is made up of the thoughts and feelings that your have about yourself and is influenced by the way you talk to yourself (i.e., your inner dialogue). As humans, one of our unique abilities is the awareness of ourselves. We are aware of what we do and our impact on others and ourselves. This ability allows us to live in a world with others and develop close relationships. Our internal voice judges our behavior on a daily basis and makes adjustments based on feedback from others. A person with low self-esteem has an overly critical voice with a negative slant; nothing is good enough, failures are highlighted and you are always criticized.
HOW DOES SELF ESTEEM DEVELOP?
Our sense of ourselves develops throughout our lives. As infants and young children, much of our sense of self comes from our parents. When parents provide an accepting and nurturing environment, children develop a solid foundation on which to develop good feelings about themselves. If parents are excessively demanding or critical (or discourage moves toward independence), children may begin to doubt themselves and feel inadequate or unworthy. As children grow, attend school and develop peer relationships, successes and failures in these relationships affect self-esteem as well. Thus, the messages we are sent eventually become internalized and can become the messages we send ourselves. We then develop a set of assumptions and beliefs about ourselves based on prior experiences.
Critical Beliefs and Thought Patterns that Create Low Self-Esteem:
There are many ways in which people talk to themselves. We may encourage ourselves during a difficult task, "Keep at it." "You're almost done." "You can do it." We may also talk to ourselves in a negative voice. Although it is important to evaluate ourselves accurately, if this voice is constant or very negative it can do harm to our self-esteem and is termed the pathological critic which always looks for the negative and never sees the positive. The pathological critic keeps up a negative stream of self-talk. "You can't do it." "You're stupid." "You'll never make it."
Frequent techniques used by the pathological critic which undermine self-esteem are:
Overgeneralization. If you did not do well in one situation, the pathological critic overgeneralizes to all situations - "I did not do well in those past relationships. I'm no good at love and I'm not going to bother even trying to find someone."
Global Labeling. Your pathological critic uses pejorative labels to describe yourself rather than accurately describing your qualities. If you give up on a project you're having difficulty with, your pathological critic may label say - "I'm a quitter." "I never finish anything." "I'm a loser."
Minimization of the Positive. With the pathological critic, good things don't count nearly as much as bad ones. You focus on the negative and discount the positive - "I won four tennis matches but lost one and that makes me feel terrible about myself."
Comparing Yourself to Others. The pathological critic scans the room and finds the people who are better in some way. Person A is prettier, person B is smarter, and person C is a better athlete. Somehow these all get combined into one perfect person who has everything you should have and you are unworthy in comparison.
WAYS TO IMPROVE YOUR SELF ESTEEM:
Be Patient - Change takes time and is an ongoing process. Remember a time in the past when you learned a difficult skill. You didn't learn to ride a bike or swim or rollerblade the first time out. It involved many attempts and many mistakes (and many bumps and bruises). Improving your self-esteem is the same kind of process.
Challenge your Pathological Critic.
Notice the ways that you put yourself down. Make a list of the negative statements you make to yourself everyday.
Challenge each negative statement:
"Just because I ended up divorced, doesn't mean I won't ever find the love of my life. I just need to take time to heal, work on myself, and make sure I don't make the same mistakes again."
"Dropping one project doesn't mean I am a quitter. I've finished many other things in my life."
Emphasize the Positive - Give yourself credit for everything you try, whether you succeed or not. Focus on the effort rather than on the end product.
Utilize "Thought Stopping" - When your find yourself thinking a negative thought about yourself, imagine a large stop sign and tell yourself to "STOP". Switch to a more positive thought such as "I'm okay." "I'm a good person."
Set Realistic Goals - Start with small steps and give yourself credit for each little step you achieve. When your confidence is low, it takes an extra effort to even begin. Instead of worrying about being perfect, praise yourself for making an effort.
List the Positive - Make a list of positive things about yourself and post them in a place you see every day. Spend a few moments accepting the positive.
Fake it 'til you Make it - Tell yourself positive things even if you don't believe them at first. Sometimes it may take awhile to see that you really are a worthwhile person, that others like you, and that you are succeeding.
Be Compassionate with Yourself - Frequently, we are more compassionate and accepting with others than with ourselves. Give yourself the same understanding and acceptance you give others.
A few months back he had a nasty bout of cancer which resulted in major surgery. The cancer had taken over so much that the doctors were not sure if they could remove all of it and keep my brother intact. At that time he was facing the possibility of having to wear a bag (I'm not sure of the term) for the rest of his life. My brother is only in his 60s and that would have been an awful prospect for him. He ended up coming through the surgery like a champ. He was so happy, as were we.
So to take my own advice...the best way to combat worry is to have a plan...I've come up with a plan. 
When my boss does come back I will not be silent about how I feel about the way he has dealt with me. Bottom line, I need stability in order to progress towards my dreams and I'm just not getting it from this job. Damm, this man got a bargain with me. A seasoned federal government attorney as his Administrative Assistant!!! 
I know the job market is tough here but I'm not going to sell my self short. I know my value in any economy. 
And I do fear that he'll fire me on the spot when I confront (in the nicest and most diplomatic way, you guys know me not too many teeth in this tiger's mouth) and tell him that I'm searching for a new job but it's a risk I have to take. And I'm not being reckless, I do have back up in case he does fire me. Hopefully we'll be able to work something out where I can work there until I find something else.
